Articles

Christmas Overload

/ mysenkid / 4 Comments

Christmas overload. Yes it can happen. There is a possibility that there may be too many presents to open, too many parties to attend, too many delectable sweets to eat, and way too many family members to talk too. It can happen to anyone. . But especially to a sensational kid-my kid! It happens to me every year as well.  I love the holidays, but I like my alone time with my family just as much. Having divorced parents which are in two separate states, in addition to in-laws in another state, the holidays are a bit hectic to say the least. This year, although it was still very busy, we decided to keep Christmas Day to ourselves ( Decision was AWESOME- by the way).

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve

Crowds, noise, new people, days off schedule are all things that can trigger a sensory attack for my boy. Heck, it throws me off my game. As much as I am a social butterfly within my circle of friends, I however am not when it comes to my family or large gatherings.  And my family probably created the term “family drama”, so you can imagine how fun our gatherings can get.  WE are a loud, sometimes too opinionated, Italian family. Things can get….well……for another day…..moving on…..

A quiet break with his cousin

A quiet break with his cousin

Before Christmas Eve, we had already been to 3 family Christmas parties. Landon was a rockstar at all of them. He kinda has his own schedule that he follows at parties. He eats super fast, then asks to be excused. He doesn’t like the table setting, with all the jabbering, and close seating. I can tell it makes him uncomfortable. I am so proud he is able to use his words (most times) to tell us how he is feeling in that situation. He then finds a quiet spot to read on the Ipad, play a game, or watch a movie. Sometimes if there is another kid, he will ask them to play. He has figured out what works for him. And I don’t listen to anyone judgements on it (well try to anyway).

Christmas Morning

Christmas Morning

Christmas extends all the way into the New Year for us- which is why I say Christmas Overload is something that happens almost every year in the Friedman Household. On the 28th of December we will be having another Christmas party with the my husbands family- then right after the New Year is my birthday. I decided NO party this year- I just want a quiet day at home ( I am sure this decision will turn out to be a good one too). While the holidays are hectic, I do appreciate the family that we do share it with, but most people (family included) don’t realize that it’s not as simple as it seems to just attend any party we want, at any time, any place.  A schedule is something Landon thrives on. He knows what is expected of him at each point of the day. Where things go, where to sit, what to expect to eat etc…. When you take that away from him almost every week for a day or so, it throws him off. Then just when he gets back onto his schedule, we throw another curve ball him. I honestly love the holidays, but am also just as excited to see them leave. It means that my boy will have less “sensory attacks”. As a parent, you want to do whatever you can to make your child comfortable, but I can’t just wave my magic wand (yes I have one) and ask the holidays to disappear! I think that would be unfair to everyone, don’t you?

 I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season- and wishes for a happy & healthy New Year from my family to yours !

A Mom’s Christmas List

/ mysenkid / 6 Comments

A Mom’s Christmas List

My son was born in November. Obviously, for the Christmas that proceeded, he was the best gift I could’ve asked for. Being a mom IS the greatest gift ever, many would attest. So how come it is so hard for a mom to get what she wants most for Christmas? Not only what she wants, but what she needs too! Move aside diamonds and cool gadgets, My list goes something like this:

All this mom wants for Christmas is;

1. A long hot shower, alone. A non-scheduled one. No kid peeking through the curtain asking for more snacks kinda shower.  I don’t need to leave the door open to hear him playing. I can shut the door or heaven forbid Lock it!

2. 1 week where nothing in the house is broken, on purpose or accidentally.

3. 1 meal per day where I am not multitasking at the same time. It’s a skill I know I have mastered- eating while cooking, helping with homework, watching the dogs, cleaning etc……if I can’t have that- then an extra set of hands Please!

4. A day to go by without my kid riding the  big dog like a horse and for the little dog to stop riding the big dog. It’s too much riding……..I get motion sickness.

5. Speaking on the darn dogs- Bark-less dogs! It’s the mailman. He comes 6 days a week, same time everyday. So, for the love of my sanity, please stop barking at the mailman like he is here to steal your last bone on earth! You don’t want bark collars, do you? Didn’t think so….

6. For egg nog to have no calories, no carbs or fat. For egg nog to be as nutritionally sound as water- this one is a maybe in another lifetime it will come true kinda wish! Yumm….Must get eggnog right now……be right back…….

7. To sleep without interruptions. “Mommy, I need to go potty, Mommy, I am thirsty, Mommy, I am not tired,  Mommy I can’t find my pillow”. ” Bark, Bark, Meow, Meeeooooow- dog/cat fight in the basement”. No wonder I have insomnia……..

8. A mute button………..ENOUGH SAID!

9. A self- cleaning house. Like the self cleaning kitty litter the cat has…that thing is awesome! Must contact inventor of that, and tell him my idea…ooh…would I be a co-inventor? I would make millions!

10. Most importantly- Love- for my family to enjoy a peaceful, joyful day and just love each other for all we are!

If you could have any one thing, no matter how silly or unpractical, what would it be?

merry holidays!

 

Wearable Art with a Purpose

/ mysenkid / 5 Comments

December 14th 2012, a horrible act was thrust upon the town of Newtown, CT. 20 children and 6 adults lost their lives at the hands of an unstable young man with a gun. Gun violence in schools is an all too common occurrence lately. For me, a mother of a young son it hits way to close to home. Children are sent to school to flourish, grow and find themselves. They should be safe first and foremost.

Photo- Nami.org

Photo- Nami.org

Peter Thum, an entrepreneur was in the process of creating a company when the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting took place. Those events only acerbated the process and Liberty United was created.  He collects and destroys illegal guns, then uses the material from that process to create wearable art. Each piece is hand stamped with the serial number from the guns it was created from.  Their motto is More Beauty, More Jobs, Less Gun Violence. A portion of each sale is donated to local organizations that help reduce gun violence.

Photo - Liberty United

Photo – Liberty United

Thum created a similar business back in 2009 named Fonderie 47 that makes high-end jewelry from illegal AK-47 rifles in Africa. Many of these confiscated guns are from child soldiers. They have been able to remove over 32,000 guns from circulation in Africa. As a mother and a humanitarian, this makes my heart happy. No child should be on the other end of a gun- in any fashion whatsoever.

Photo- Liberty United

Photo- Liberty United

 

In the wake of such a tragedy, I can only imagine despair and hopelessness were some of the emotions running wild. Although nothing can take away the pain from the day, I feel these pieces bring a sense of hope and positivity. When you wear these bracelets, you can feel good about knowing that gun or bullet can no longer hurt anyone. I wish for the world to have more Peter Thum’s and for more people to be reminded of how a community should unite in the wake of a tragedy. You are all my heroes. 

My Sensational Six Year Old

/ mysenkid / 2 Comments

Landon turned 6 a little less than 2 weeks ago. I still can not believe it. I can still remember walking into the Maternal Fetal Specialist’s office that July afternoon in 2006, asking for permission to try and conceive a baby.  We did not get the “permission” we had hoped for, but a path to follow which would eventually lead us to Landon.  He is now our healthy (relatively speaking) 6 year old kindergartener. He has defied odds, overcome many challenges  and still continues to amaze us everyday. I am so proud of who he is. I fully believe I know who he will become. He will become a loyal friend, a humanitarian,  an eager student and an avid adventurer. I see him clearly. He is not afraid to be who he is. At only 6 years old, he truly has found himself. I am so thankful that he is MY son. I get to see all the amazing things he will continue to do in his life.

Here is a glimpse into our day as we celebrated our little ninja!

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Judgement Day- working moms have it hard and beyond………

/ mysenkid / 2 Comments

 

This is me! I am JOY!

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I work very hard. I work for a multiple of paying gigs. I work on keeping my little 860 square foot home clean & organized. I work at raising my son to be a gentleman. One who opens doors and says please & thank you. I work at helping my son understand his emotion needs. I work at being a good daughter. I work at being a good friend. I work at being a good sister. I work at spoiling my niece and nephews. I work at being an attentive and loving wife. I work at keeping the 75 pounds of weight I lost, off. I work on my social anxiety everyday. I work at being good to the environment. I work at eating healthy.  I work hard, very hard.

Therefor, as a working mother, many may think I would say working moms have it harder than stay at home moms, or even women with no children for that matter. But I have to disagree. I don’t disagree that working moms have it hard because we definitely do,  I disagree that stay at home moms and childless workers don’t. Why is it my right to judge what someone does. Each person is entitled to their feelings towards their own responsibilities, whether it is at home or in the workplace.

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I know the stigma in the workplace is that working parents get more slack. And in the “mommyworld”, people think stay at home moms have it easier and vice versa. Well, I say Screw that. Screw you society for putting this nonsense into our heads. Yes, I say OUR heads because I was one of the workers with no kids who used to get frustrated at the “slack” I saw being given to parents in the workplace.  When someone needed to take their child to the doctor, or soccer practice it was fine. But if I needed to go to the doctors or heaven forbid take my dog to the vet- I needed to call out sick or take a personal day. The flexibility towards employees  was never universal in the workplace. I realized over time that it was not my responsibility to care what others did or didn’t do with their time. It was not their fault that they weren’t being held to the same standard as I was. I was not going to fall into the trap society dug for me and take my frustrations out on them.

What it is time for- is for companies, more importantly Society to give employees (all employees) the same flexibility (within reason) to pursue their other goals.  If a mother or father needs to take their child to practice, let them. But if Joe needs to take his elderly mom shopping or take his dog to the vet, then he can too.  We as humans, should all be entitled to the same flexibility as one another. I mean I can assume we are all human on this planet right? No-one will hold that assumption against me, will they? We are all in this world together. Can’t we all agree that having happier employees makes for more productive employees? We all live different lives, each one is unique. You should never judge someone’s life unless you can walk a day in their shoes.  (Love that saying- it’s been around forever because its true!) And this isn’t just a finger pointing session on companies. Moms-you are next. Why are we so harsh on each other? Why? Who gave us the right to say that what you do each day isn’t meaningful, fulfilling, hard, demanding, satisfying and beyond? We should be building each other up instead of tearing each other down.

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As a single working woman, then to a stay at home mom and finally to a working mom, I see how society, the workplace and just other peoples narrow-minded views can affect you and make you judge others. I will not judge anyone anymore. I do not want to judge anyone. I want to live my own life. I don’t  want to think what if. There is NO what if. There is only NOW. Live YOUR life. If you don’t stop judging what others have created, you will never create your Best life.

 

The Karate “Cult”

/ mysenkid / 2 Comments

Landon is only 5 years old and is already on the right track to become a black belt by the time he is 8years old. It’s something he wants to accomplish so badly. 5 year olds can have goals and aspirations and boy does Landon prove that.  We stumbled upon Martial Arts last April during an after school program. Thankfully,they allowed preschoolers to join because otherwise I am not sure we would be here right now. Although, Landon was in preschool, his size would say otherwise. He is a big kid. Bigger than most kids in 2nd grade even. He’s always been the tallest even as a toddler. He loved those 3 weeks of karate after school. So, we knew we had to learn more about what other programs were offered at the studio.

Flash forward to today. Landon has completed 3 belts and is on his way to getting his 5th belt in a few weeks. He is still only 5 years old and is in the Advanced program now.  Learning special forms went from 4-6 moves to 21 moves practically overnight. He is not perfect, but damn is he good and so proud. This lifestyle, which it truly is, is not cheap. It’s costly in all  aspects. Money, time, commitment, sacrifice,  etc. But, it’s something we do as a family and is more rewarding that costly. My husband has now joined karate as well, and we both take Kickboxing classes at the studio as well. We are there at minimum 4 times a week between the both of us.

Last night while watching our boys sweating it out on the mat, a friend said to me, ” if you are going to be in a cult, this is the kinda cult you want your kids to be apart of”. She is so right. They teach discipline, respect and honor. Landon has always been a good boy, but now I just sense such pride in him. He is finally proud of himself- with all his flaws, differences and challenges he has. Even though we have taught him to be happy with himself all his life, something about this place just motivates him to truly believe in himself. As a mother, I am so grateful for this place. It’s a place he can go and be Landon. A goofy, loving, long haired smart little man. That’s who he is. And soon- I know he will add black belt to his resume.karate

The Food Allergy “Judgement” Zone

/ mysenkid / 1 Comment

Enter at your own risk-

 

I am normally not a judge-mental parent. Normally, is the imperative word.  Lately, my judge-mental gene has come out of hiding and is in rare form. I promise you it’s for a good reason. It’s the RIGHT reason. Well, I hope you agree, if not then I guess I will have to judge you too (joking- a-little).

Most of you are aware that school started a few weeks ago. Landon is in full day Kindergarten this year which is such a benefit for him, and yes me too! However, there is a downside to full day. For our family, it’s lunch in cafeteria. Landon has nut allergies, so severe that he goes into anaphylaxis shock if he ingests anything with nuts. Having lunch at school only ups the chances of a reaction. Luckily, Landon’s school  is small, only pre-k and kindergarten. Not many kids…less chance of a reaction.
Where is the judgement you ask? I’m getting to it. Just you wait.
We started the year just like every other. Getting the medical paperwork together, labeling his Epi-pens, gathering extra medicine for school and speaking with the school nurse. Ah, the school nurse!  They can be your biggest advocate or biggest nightmare when it comes to allergies. Luckily, this year ours seems to be on our side.
As years in the past, I always like to meet the nurse and drop off Landon’s medical supplies before school starts. Kids eat nuts on the 1st day of school and something can happen….there is no such thing as being overly cautious when it comes to kids with food allergies. Especially ones that can actually kill your child. Don’t let for one second anyone tell you otherwise. I am not talking about putting your child in a bubble, I am talking about being prepared.
During the conversation with the nurse about Landon’s medical history, lunch & the cafeteria came up. I assumed that all kids with a nut allergy on file would have to sit at the nut free table. I assumed wrong. The nurse proceeded to tell my husband and I that the school has 16 kids with nut allergies and only 3 of them will be sitting at the nut free table. The other kids parents decided against it. We were in shock. Our immediate response was, ” we can’t control what happens, but we can help shape a different outcome”. He will be sitting at the nut free table for lunch.
The nurse also told us some of the comments from the other parents. Some don’t take their kids allergies seriously believing it’s only a matter of time before they grow out of it. Some stated that their kids just have to deal with nuts around them and if they get sick so be it. And others say they don’t want to hurt their kids feelings by having them not sit with their class. WTF? Really, who are you parents? None of these reasons are good enough to put your child’s health in danger. NONE! They are only 5 years old….ugh!
Roughly 350 children die in school allergy accidents per year.  I am not a  mom who doesn’t allow her kid to attend parties, eat out or just be a kid. I am a mom who carries an Epi-pen, has a emergency medical plan and tries to limit the chances of exposure of nuts. I don’t limit my sons life experiences. I judge you parents because you judge ” us”allergy moms. You think we “helicopter” over our children or take the allergy too seriously. Or you are just plain mad because your kid can’t bring in a snack containing nuts ( but can still bring in nuts for lunch). You think we enjoy the fear that a mere speckle of food could send our kids into anaphylaxis? That we love checking and rechecking labels? We don’t.
These parents who have decided to push their kids allergy aside make it harder for the other allergy parents. We are made to look like we are the overprotective ones that shouldn’t be taken seriously. I judge that. I am saddened for those kids, and hope and pray ( and I am not even religious) that those kids don’t become one of the 350 a year.  I will do whatever I can to make any PERSON with an allergy safe and comfortable. It’s the “right” thing to do……
End judgement zone here
-a mom on a mission

‘Twas the night before Kindergarten

/ mysenkid / 6 Comments

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’twas the night before kindergarten, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even your kids dreaded “pet” mouse
First day outfits were hung on the hangers with care
You secretly hope they will be the best dressed there
The children were nestled and snug in their beds
While visions of recess was the only thing in their heads
And Dad on his IPad and I, a bottle of wine in hand
Had just settled down to go to my “happy land”
When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter
Away I threw the bottle of wine, I knew that I must
For Just in case SuperNanny came to do a bust
But what to my hazy eyes did appear
But a miniature school bus, I was buzzed, OH dear!
I knew it was my mind playing some tricks
Or maybe my husband trying to get his kicks
I turned to him, but he was asleep
So I jumped on the bed, with a great big leap
He woke up immediately and said,
Leave me alone, go the fuck to bed
I found the bottle of wine I had chucked
It was empty all right, all that wine I sucked
These visions were just that, nothing at all
I better sit down slowly, before I fall
Tomorrow is the day, freedom at last
I will savor the hours, I will have a blast
Whom am I kidding?  my kid is my life!
Tomorrow will go through my heart like a knife
I know he will be fine, do great things even
But I am not ready for him to be leaving
He is only 5 years old, and my one and only
I will be home all day, I will be so lonely
I guess I will have to get a job and make a nice dime
Collect money for designer purses or better yet more wine
HA! Lets get that thought right out of my head
At home I will be, eating bon bons in bed
As I closed my eyes, my heart felt so light
Yes! Happy Kindergarten day, and to all a good night

 

Compliments Gone Wrong

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30 years old

Happy with Me!

Yes! A Compliment can go Ary!

Sometimes I even pause before stating what I think is a compliment to someone. If you know me, you know sometimes what I say comes out wrong…..however, I have never screwed up a compliment as bad as what was said to me yesterday. Thinking before you speak is what helps some people. But there are people who are just rude even when trying to be nice. I try to stay away from “those” people. Note to self- that’s hard to do when it’s your own family!

“Joy, <pinching my stomach> , you look nice”.

“Thanks”

“so, it’s been 30 right?”

“30 what? I am 30 years old”

“Pounds silly”

” ummm, 70 actually but thanks”

” You were that big? Wow, that’s big”

“ummm, I guess”

” You were fat I guess…….thank goodness you solved that”

” yep, yes indeed”

So, ummm, I am still pretty shocked about the conversation still. I feel like my response was very vague. There were so many responses I could’ve said, but I guess the cat got my tongue yesterday. When you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all. I owe that cat a lot.

i mean, come on really? Thank you kindly for reminding me how “big” I was.  I didn’t know that. I have been under the assumption that I was a swimsuit model. You never saw my trifold in Sports Illustrated?  All seriousness aside, thank you for reminding me that I don’t give a flying “f-word” what people think about me. I was happy then and am happy now. It’s not all about appearances, but if it was I know who to talk too.

 

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The Decision…

/ mysenkid / 7 Comments

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In a little more than 1 week,  I will be doing something that I am dreading.  I have having surgery- getting my tubes tied to be exact. Part of me knows it’s a necessary step for my health & family and the other part feels like I will no longer be a “whole” woman.   Circulating throughout both of these feelings is fear. I am so afraid, I can’t even put it into words. For those who know me, I have a phobia of needles. When I see a needle, whether or not it’s intended for me, that SWV song <Weak> pops into my head and I can’t help but sing the chorus and only deepen my fear of those tiny, sharp, shiny instruments.

For those who may not know this song that was so popular in the early 90’s,  here is a brief introduction:
 “I get weak in the knees, I can hardly breathe, I lose all control …that it knocks me off of my feet……”  As you can see, this line hits the nail on the head as it pertains to my fear.
So what’s all this about? What is necessary for my health? Thank you for asking these questions and what great ones at that. I believe I have the answers you are looking for. It’s simple really. 3 letters simple. PKU. I’ll say it again slowly for those who weren’t paying attention. P-K-U. Because of those three pain in the ass letters, I, Joy Adamonis will be having surgery to prevent a future pregnancy.
This girl is nuts. What the heck is she talking about. PKU, surgery, no more pregnancies? Well,  Get ready to have your mind blown.
– Phenylketonuria (PKU) is an autosomal recessive metabolic genetic disorder characterized by a mutation in the gene for the hepatic enzyme phenylalanine hydroxylase (PAH), rendering it nonfunctional.This enzyme is necessary to metabolize the amino acid phenylalanine (Phe) to the amino acid tyrosine. When PAH activity is reduced, phenylalanine accumulates and is converted into phenylpyruvate (also known as phenylketone), which can be detected in the urine.
All this makes perfect sense right? Come on. I know all of you went to medical school in your spare time. Well, it’s about to get even more confusing.
For women with phenylketonuria, (insert my crazy ass here) it is essential for the health of their children to maintain low Phe levels before and during pregnancy. Though the developing fetus may only be a carrier of the PKU gene, the intrauterine environment can have very high levels of phenylalanine, which can cross the placenta. The child may develop congenital heart disease, growth retardation, microcephaly and mental retardation as a result and sometimes a  miscarriage.
Landon could have be born with PKU ( a 85% chance to be exact), a heart malfunction- heart outside of his body (65% chance), Cerbal Palsy  ( 20%  chance) and Down Syndrome (  45% chance) . All these percentages were given to us by our genetic counselor after she ran tests after tests. All this because my levels were so high before I conceived. So, I had to go on a low protein diet for 6 months prior to even being allowed to think of conceiving a child. Then, the fun stuff. No food while I was pregnant, doctors 4 times a week, blood work, ultrasounds, disgusting formula and medical food……< I go into details in my previous post titled, “The Lesson”. If you don’t mind getting bored, you should read it! >
So you see, Landon is a sign. He is my one and only. I won’t screw around  with chance twice.  My hardwork and dedication led me to him, and I would have been happy with him regardless of any condition he was born with. But, to go through it again, I just can’t. Some people call me selfish. Selfish for not wanting to give my son a sibling. I say to them, “screw you”. You have no right to judge my family’s size just like I don’t judge anyone else’s.  Landon is loved and that’s all that really matters.
Also, if I hear one more comment about how come my husband isn’t getting “fixed”, I think I will blow a gasket. It’s the sarcastic way people ask that gets to me.  Or, the off handed remarks like, ” I just wouldn’t have sex, or just go on the pill”. It’s disrespectful to me.  This decision was hard for me and frankly I am proud I am making it. It’s my body that doesn’t work properly and it’s  my right to do this without judgement.
I hope I will still be as proud of this decision in 9 days when I am rolling into the operating room. I have a feeling I will be wanting to run like hell out of there. And with that, I must go.  Going for a run……seriously!