Reduce Your Child’s Stress With SELF-REG By Dr. Stuart Shanker

If you are a parent, chances are there are times when things can get pretty stressful with this parenting gig. Whether it is you or your child, sometimes our emotional responses are not what we would say is appropriate! Fear not, there is something that can help alleviate the stress! SELF-REG is a new book written by Dr. Stuart Shanker, that aims to help parents and caregivers (and their children) break the stress cycle and successfully engage in life. This book resonated with me more than I thought it would. And, I think it could do the same for you.

13512009_1369642833052803_7513924312647813087_nAt the start of the book, you learn about the discovery of the limbic system, often referred to as the “emotional brain” and how it’s connected to our emotions. Each one of our memories is stored here and is associated with an emotional response, whether it be good or bad. Now I know why I am still afraid of the dentist at 33 years old! The ability for our emotional response to be rational and precise, largely is affected by one’s stress level. Each person has an individual level of stress that their limbic system values as a threat. When a threat is seen, our ability to control our responses is lessened.

“Self-control is important but not the central organizing feature of a strong, healthy mind and life success. Self-regulation is.” Dr. Stuart Shanker 

Right from the beginning of the book I felt at ease about my son and I. As most are aware, we both have been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorders and Sensory Processing Disorder. We are usually playing out a “fight or flight” scenario in our minds weekly, even when nothing seems to really be bothering us. When we are anxious, we tend to be more emotional. Overly happy or terribly sad and agitated. It all seemed to make sense. Dr. Stuart Shanker explained it in a way that was easy to understand. I always knew our anxiety was something that we couldn’t control, but it is always nice to hear that we are not alone.

SELF-REG: 5 Core Steps for Transforming Behavior

  1. Read the signs and reframe the behavior
  2. Identify the stressors
  3. Reduce the stressors
  4. Become aware of when you’re overstressed
  5. Figure out what helps you calm, rest and recover

How simple do these steps sound?  While it may take time to learn ALL the signs and stressors, you can start putting these to use immediately. Think about a time when your child was acting fresh or rude. Was there something bothering them? Was there a large crowd, noise, light bothering them? Were they not feeling their best? I ran these steps in my head a few times and was able to determine a few stressors of my son’s that I wasn’t aware of before. We can help our kids navigate their emotions on a healthier level with these steps. Society sometimes tells us that having emotions is a bad thing. That we need to keep them bottled up and repress them. With these steps, kids (and adults alike) will also learn the importance of emotional openness and safety. Holding our emotions in can actually lead to more stress in our lives.

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I highly suggest this book for anyone who has a tough time recognizing their child’s behavior.  These steps for transforming behavior are not to control our children. It is to help them understand “why this” behavior and to help them self-regulate. It is never too early or late to start learning this technique. And remember, these steps can help us understand our own signs and stressors. A little understanding can go a long way, especially when we can understand ourselves on a deeper level. We not only become better parents, but better people for it.

I was given an advance digital copy to facilitate my own opinion. You have a chance to win a hardcopy of SELF-REG by entering the giveaway below. I hope you enter~there is much to learn from this book!
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J.O.Y.S Yoga Workshop

A few months ago, I was tasked with writing a piece on kids mental health for the Rhode Island Health & fitness magazine.  For years, I have been practicing yoga, coloring and mediation for stress management. Throughout that time, I started sharing my experience with my son. Not only was my stress a little less “stressful” to manage, but so was my sons. Kids are not impervious to stress. So, my article began to write itself in my mind and it turned into a cover story and one I am so proud of. You can read my full article here: Helping Kids Stress Less and Live More. 

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When I started combining yoga, coloring and visualization into my son’s routine (weekly) I started to see a difference. Even for myself, the change was almost instant. After a quick yoga session or 15 minutes of coloring I instantly felt alive, awakened and an overwhelming sense of calm. This was the type of euphoria I was longing for as I sufferer of anxiety and depression most of my life. Yoga, coloring and meditation are just 3 more tools in the toolbox for coping with stress.

When I was editing my article, I realized that this would make a great program in schools. And then as quickly as the thought popped into my head, it went away. I never thought I would have the courage to branch out that way. About a month after I finished writing and sent the article to the editor, it was published. I received such great feedback.  I truly believe the more tools we have at a younger age for combating stress, the easier it gets to recognize our bodies responses and what we can do to help ourselves.

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Since the response was so great, I decided to take a leap of faith and present it to my son’s school. I grabbed the thought from the back of mind and  J.O.Y.S Yoga Workshop (Journal Out Your Stress) was formed. And let me tell you it has been more rewarding than I could have ever imagined. It has helped me overcome some of my own anxieties’ and fears. The kids (all 15 of them) are so unique and so enthusiastic. We have one session left and they are already asking to sign up for more. Bless their hearts.

I spent 2 1/2 months planning the curriculum. Every session has a different theme and I make sure all activities follow suit, which was only capable by doing the research and putting the time in.

Beginning: Basic stretches and welcomes
Topic: Sleep and Relaxation:  How do you feel when you can’t sleep? What do you do? Breathe? Visualize things? Stretch? We discuss our feelings as a group.
Yoga Postures: Go over 6 poses that help calm and are proven to help you sleep better. Invite a child up to teach with me.
Journal Prompt: C.A.L.M picture with the 1.2.3 breathe exercise
GAME: Walking MeditationA simple way for kids to really be present and feel what it is like to be calm, hear calm, think calming thoughts…
Ending: Sun salutation; reduces the feeling of restlessness and anxiety. Hand out sun salutation paper in class to practice at home. 

Of course, the children are the reason I am doing this, so I listen to the cues they give me. I might spend more time on something and skip something all together. I have made slight adjustments here and there. The kids asked for more journaling right from the beginning so I added an extra journal prompt. I am thankful for this opportunity to share my experience with them. I am grateful for their open minds and willingness to share their own feelings with me. I look forward to our final session and can’t wait to share a full report of the program when it is all said and done.

The light within me honors the light within you!

Namaste 

 

Living with Sensory Processing Disorder

My world is sensational, thanks to a 7-year-old boy named Landon. Some day’s loud noises are our friend and then the next day they aren’t. On most days sunlight is the enemy, food is surely our foe and bedtime is never quick or painless. Anxiety leads to sadness and sadness leads to frustration and frustration leads to anger. You see, my Landon has Sensory Processing Disorder, better known as SPD. Sensory Processing Disorder is a condition that exists when sensory signals don’t get organized into appropriate responses. A. Jean Ayres, PhD said it best when she referred to SPD as a neurological “traffic jam” in the brain.

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SPD can affect our senses such as vision, audition, tactile, olfactory, taste, proprioception and the vestibular system. It can affect one sense or multiple senses at once. All of Landon’s senses are affected by SPD. While some days only certain things act as a trigger for him, he does have days where he has a full blown “sensory day”. Call it mother’s intuition, but I can tell if he is going to have a “sensory day” within 1 hour of him being awake.

During Landon’s test for developmental delays and learning disabilities, it was discovered that Landon was in fact gifted. While some people are not convinced that there is a link between gifted minds and SPD, there is more research being complied on this topic everyday to say otherwise. Paula Jarrad, MS, OTR conducted a research study in hopes to bring awareness to the prevalence of SPD in gifted children.

 “The ‘double-edged sword’ of giftedness often bestows, among other features, a global heightened awareness to sensory stimulation, an endowment of amplified mental processing speed and attention capacity, and unusual challenges with frustration, pain, noise, and emotional hypersensitivity,” Jarrard learned from her review. “As many as one-third of gifted children may exhibit sensory processing disorder features, significantly impacting quality of life.”

I find her results to be very accurate in how it depicts life with my sensational kid.

Preliminary research states that SPD is often inherited, which means it is coded into the child’s genetic makeup. However, as in many developmental and behavioral disorders, genetic factors and environmental factors can affect the child. Only with more research will doctors be able to identify the role that each factor plays. While navigating this path with Landon, I uncovered that I also have SPD. At first, I was sad to think I might have passed this onto him, but Landon is who he was meant to be, and he, nor I will ever apologize for being “sensational”.

In order to better understand if a child is having sensory issues, try using the “Sensory Checklist” here.  This checklist is usually broken into age categories.  After reading the entire checklist, you might think that most kids exhibit these characteristics and it is not a big deal. However, it is when the symptoms of these characteristics become severe enough to affect normal functioning and disrupt everyday life that it becomes a challenge. Behavioral therapy, play therapy and social skills groups are just some of the ways you can treat SPD. You must find the right balance that works for you and your sensational kid.

My child has been labeled fussy as baby, grouchy as a toddler and now anxious as a 7 year old. I tear these labels off. Labels are for jars, not for my son. Having SPD doesn’t define us. Instead it shapes us. We might move to the right while others move left. But in the end, we are all on the same journey. We want to learn, grow, socialize, love and explore just like the rest of you. We just have a harder time navigating through it all. We do things a little differently, as does everyone in some way, shape or form. And last time I checked, being different makes us unique. The world is better place when we are free to be who we were meant to be.

A fully edited and more descriptive version of this story has been published in RI Parent Magazine, October issue.  It was chosen as the cover story and features my little boy! 

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Namaste ~ Joy

Sensory Activity: Calm Down Jar & I Spy Bottle

Howdy folks! It’s Monday again. Which means, I have another “Make-it-Monday” activity to share with you. With Landon being a sensational kid and all, what better thing than to make something to help him when he needs it most! Kids with Sensory Processing Disorder are known to have a emotional extremes. Having something tangible for Landon to hold/look at/admire when he is trying to regulate his emotions is a great tool we found that works. I hope you find it helpful, for any kiddo as well! And to boot, it was fun to make!

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Filling the bottle

 

Supplies Needed:

PLASTIC BOTTLE

PLASTIC BOTTLE

SMALL TRINKETS

SMALL TRINKETS

ELMER'S CLEAR GLUE & GLITTER

ELMER’S CLEAR GLUE & GLITTER

Directions:  Pretty darn simple. Fill the bottle 2/3 of the way with a lukewarm water. Then add the whole bottle of glue, followed by the glitter. If the glitter falls right to the bottom of the bottle, you may want to add more glue. Especially if you use a bottle bigger than a 20 oz. one. Once you have the glue/glitter/water combination down, add the small objects. We chose a Lego head, pony beads, letter beads (his initials)  2 small Lego pieces, lanyard pieces and a penny.  There you go- You have yourself your own I Spy/Calm Down Bottle!

~Namaste~

 

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Finished product!

Wordless Wednesday- Sensory Diet

It’s Happy Hump day again! Last week, during school vacation we went for a relaxing family lunch. We decided as a family, we would try a new place for the three of us. Hubby & I go for sushi alot, but never with Landon. He was determined to get a STAR on his chart for trying a new food! He did- and we are so proud! Way to go for overcoming your anxieties & fears. We love you Landon!

~Namaste~

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Growing Pains

Growing pains. All kids get them. As their parents we will never really know how painful they actually are to our kiddos. The thought of my kid going through any pain at all, just makes my heart ache. Last weekend Landon was in such intolerable pain we almost went to the hospital. He couldn’t walk. He needed us to compress his ankle & shin for almost 1 hour. This was the only thing that helped him. Even with us holding his ankle, massaging where he asked and a dose of Ibuprofen, he was hysterical. We were at IKEA,  drove almost 90 minutes in the rush hour traffic all to be there for 5 minutes and leave. We left the IKEA parking lot and had to pull over at a  local Walgreens. We sat for almost 2 hours until we began our journey home.

Long story short: after the  doctors appointment the next morning,  we all came to the conclusion that it was either a charley horse gone wrong, or just very bad growing pains. But regardless of what it was, the doctor explained to us that it was probably almost as painful as a minor fracture or pulled ligament. This is due to sensory kiddos feeling pain in different way than their peers. So, of course my heart broke even more when I thought about that.

I always knew he felt his emotions differently from others, but never actually stopped to think about physical pain. As much it sucks seeing him fight though his emotions, try to explain his feelings and feel tremendous amounts of pain, I know all these things will make him a stronger person, one with empathy no doubt. Does your little one have growing pains? What are some home remedies you do to calm them? Share away- I would love to know!

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THEN- 18 months

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NOW- 6 years