I turned 30 years old last month and it got me into a nostalgia funk. Thinking about high school, my old friends & flames, my ambitions and more. It also got me thinking how much life is not what we expect it to be. That during my younger years, I wasted time and energy on things that are not truly important. So, if you had the opportunity to write a letter to yourself in high school, what would you say? Mine would go something like this:

Dear Joyous,

15 years have past and I’ll be the first to admit that I had these wild visions of what I might be doing at 30, the places I’ve been, the people I’ve met and so much more. Your life is busy, Yes! But, you have been blessed to not have to deal with major real world problems yet. You think at 15 life is tough? Your life is about making good grades, doing chores for an allowance, make it to cheer leading practice on time and navigate the world of bitchy girl gossip. Don’t get me wrong, those bitchy girls were harsh, but that is just the beginning. High school is a training session to dealing with real world problems. But don’t get your panties in a twist, life at 30 is pretty awesome as well. A family, a career and good friends are just some of the things you have to look forward too.

Life comes with many hiccups, big and small but it’s how you respond to those hiccups that will shape who you are. Lets be frank for a minute. You, (well I) are self obsessed when it comes to high school. You want so badly to be a part of ” a clique”. But what you don’t realize, you have your hands in almost every group in high school. The drama geeks, the bookworms, the jocks and even the “Popular” group. You befriend so many people because you are fearful that if you do not, you may not know what people really think of you. You are always wondering if you have the right clothes, the right haircut and if people think you fit in. You are a worrywart. Shit, I still am! Screw that girl. You still don’t fit in. And that’s a good thing. Why do you want to be like everyone else when you were born to stand out?

Something good did come out of you befriending anyone who would listen! You have grown up to be such an accepting person. In high school it’s easy for kids to shy away from that person who is a little different. But not you! You embrace all people.

Another important message I want to send to you is never apologize for who you are. You don’t NEED to stand for one thing. You don’t NEED to be good at only one thing. You don’t NEED to have only 1 career. You CAN have it all. The possibilities are endless. Also, you are very hard on yourself still to this day. Remember what you would always say to yourself when someone bullied you or you were feeling down & out? Bring It back…..because its true and time will show you. Say it with me for old times sake…..” What makes me different, makes me beautiful” . One more time! ” What makes me different, makes me beautiful”. My work here is done.

Love,

Me, You, Us

5 reasons I deserve mother of the year ( matter of opinion ~ I guess)

I already know that this post will offend some people out there and i haven’t even starting writing about the main topic! I say, TOO BAD!  While doing research for an upcoming project I ran across so many articles about gender rules and how little boys and/or little girls should behave, dress etc….and the comments that I read were disturbing. Disturbing because I can’t believe  we have so many close minded people still out there. I say close minded to be nice…but let’s be honest. These people are not just close minded, they are {close minded } assholes. I feel so much better having said that!

But let’s get serious. I was really disheartened to read through the comments and realized how many of “these” people we still have out there. They are not a part of my everyday life because I choose to not befriend “these” people, but they are out there nonetheless. I am trying to teach my son to be his own person. Be unique, be different, like what he likes, wear what he wants and just be him. I tell him that as long as who he is doesn’t hurt anyone else, then don’t feel bad for being you! Knowing that ignorance & intolerance is still out there makes me realize my son will come into contact with “these” people someday in the future (actually already has).

It all started with some articles about young boys and their choice to have long hair. I am sure you knew that this whole thing started with the topic of boys with long hair, didn’t you? Well, it is kinda personal to me ( love my long haired red headed boy).  People were commenting a plethora of things. Some varied from simple posts like boys should look like boys and girls should look like girls. Other comments were a bit more harsh. One comment was that these boys were looking for a reason to get picked on and that they were “fairies”.   While other comments were so disrespectful to the children I still can’t believe there are people out there who would pick on a child ( even if it’s only over cyber space).

Who picks on children? Who? Who makes up the rules that boys need to have short hair and girls need to have long flowy locks? Who? Who says boys play with trucks and girls play with dolls? Who?  Who says the color Pink is for girls and Blue is for boys. Who the (bleep) is this person? I would love to meet them and give them a piece of my mind- for serious.

Landon beats to his own drummer. Loves the color purple, has a stuffed dinosaur that he says is his daughter, loves stories about magical creatures like fairies & princesses. Does this make him too girly? No! He also loves to play video games, read books about dinosaurs, plays with trucks and loves to get messy. Does this make him to boyish? No!  It makes (him)  LANDON! I want him to continue to follow his passions freely- no matter how society tells him a “Boy” should act.

Colors are for everyone to enjoy. Toys are just that- toys for everyone to play with. Hair is hair- no matter the color, texture or length, it is for anyone. Screw the Labels- they are for fucking Jars!

Normally I do not post much about my crafty shenanigans or couponing adventures, but instead follow fellow mommy bloggers that do. However, today I had an amazing couponing experience that I just have to share. This weekend while cleaning out my bathroom closet I realized that my “stash” was running low. My stash usually consists of about 5 shampoos, 5 conditioners, a crap-load of body washes and hair styling products. It needed to be replenished- it was looking bare in there.

So, Sunday’s newspaper came and I clipped my coupons like usual and added them to my other ones. Pulled out all my personal hygiene coupons that I had and went to the CVS flyer. It took me 10 minutes to match up some coupons with some items that were already on sale there. Today, I took that ad and those coupons to try and make the “Magic” happen.

I purchased:

1 family size Tresseme Shampoo

1 family size Tresseme Conditioner

1 Tresseme Dry Shampoo

1 Dove Shampoo

1 Dove Conditioner

1 Dove Extreme Hold Hairspray

1 Dove Extreme Hold Hairspray (Travel Size)

1 Dove Deodorant

1 Degree Men Deodorant

1 Clear Hair Therapy Shampoo/Conditioner 2-in-1 for Men

1 bottle of Pepsi Max

Total was $1.51       Tax was $2.14   Total $3.65     Saved over $48

It gets even better- I got back $5 in Extra Care Bucks which meant they PAID ME $1.35 to walk in and walk out with all that stuff! Needless to say, that I was very happy with today’s purchase considering it literally took 10 minutes of my time (that I did while waiting for my Sunday Weight Watcher Meeting to begin).

Stay at home moms don’t make a salary, even though we have the hardest and most important job out there. For me, couponing, scoring deals, making homemade gifts is my way of helping out the household financially. Plus, its actually fun!  So here it is- Lesson of the Day: It pays to be a Stay at Home Mom: LITERALLY!!!

This Sunday,  Landon and I embark on a new journey together as mother & son. We are running in our 1st race together. We are participating in the Gloria Gemma Breast Cancer Kids 1k & 5k road-race in Providence, RI. This is my second year doing this particular 5K.  This year they decided to establish a kids 1k event prior to the 5k. Landon has been to all of my races (a whopping three, lol) and always wants to try it. I run 3 times a week, so I think he  is thinking that he is missing something !!! He is- running is fun. I can’t believe I actually said that. No-one in their right mind would have bet even a dollar that this time last year I would admit to liking running. I was so anti-running it was crazy. It wasn’t a personal attack on running itself, but more my love/hate relationship with exercise.

We have planned our outfits for the race- Pink shirts it is!!!  We even wrote with fabric paints on his shirt. Landon’s says,” Real Boys Wear PINK” on the front and “Team Friedman” on the back. It was a fun time decorating and seeing how excited he is for the race! I am so excited for this race. This is a “First” experience that I am delighted to have and can’t wait to share it with my favorite little man.

Followup post to come after the race!

Landon & I at last years Gloria Gemma 5k (my 1st race-EVER)

I strongly dislike the word. “Normal”.  Why? Because there is NO such thing as Normal. I mean, the word normal is defined as, Conforming to the standard or the common type. Think about your life. Do you really Conform? Do you?  I sure as hell hope not. What kind of life would you lead if you had to conform to someone Else’s ideals and standards? Would you be happy? Could you really be “YOU”? I know I couldn’t.

I get it though. It is hard in today’s society to NOT conform to some type of standard that society has put into place.  But Hard does not mean impossible. I realized this a few weeks ago when I was on a bike ride with my 4 year old son. Strange I know, but it will all make sense (very soon, I promise). I always preached, To thine own self be true…..(love that quote). However, what most people didn’t know was that I was always  worried what others may think about me not necessarily fitting in anywhere. But that day, that random September afternoon it dawned on me. I mean it Really dawned on me. I don’t care what people think.  I don’t “fit in” anywhere specific and I like that. I am who I am. I am happy with me. As long as I am a good person then nothing else really matters.

I think the new normal is NOT being normal. It’s standing out. It’s beating to your own drum. Following your heart, no matter what others may think. Its living each day like it could be your last. It’s being accepting of all others no matter their race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, and socioeconomic status. It’s being the very best YOU each day of your life. I saw all of this flash through my eyes that day. I am sure you all are wondering what is she referring too? You must be thinking she is talking crazy. I normally do talk crazy, but this time I promise I have a point! And here is the picture to prove it.

My Little Mario

Take a serious look at this picture. He is outside, riding his bike in full Mario costume. He even goes as far as to wear the mustache and bring “little Mario” with him and places him in the handlebars. He doesn’t care what other people may think. He doesn’t care that most people would never feel comfortable wearing a full costume out in public unless it were Halloween. And even then, some may still be unsure about it. He mind is so innocent. He doesn’t know the “rules” that we all know too well that society tries to impose on us. He is just being him. Enjoying what he likes.

The story doesn’t end here. We rode our bikes to the local playground. We jumped over toadstools (rocks),  yelled phrases out in Mario & Luigi voices, tried to collect imaginary gold coins and try to save Princess Peach. People stared and stared. Then, some kids starting making fun of Landon. Saying things to their parents like, “Who would let their kid wear that out in public” and ” he looks so stupid”. The icing on the cake was, these kids parents agreed with them, right in front of us. Landon heard all of this and was quickly embarrassed. I told him, as long as you are not hurting anyone in the process, you be and do what you want. He gave me a kiss and said “Thank you Mommy, you are the best” and off we went jumping over toadstools and having a grand ole’ time not caring about what others were thinking.

So, on this day my 4 year old son taught me something that I thought I already knew. But I was wrong. I acted like I was OK with being “Not Normal” but secretly worried what others may think. Not anymore. If we all could have the innocence that I saw in Landon that day, I swear that we would all be better off. I truly believe we all could learn so much from our 4 year old selves. If only, right? If only can be right now. Just be you. Don’t ever apologize for it. Don’t worry about whose eyes are watching you. If you are happy with who you are- then be that person. Don’t conform just because you feel you will fit in. If you are not happy with who you are on the outside then you can’t be truly happy with yourself on the inside. And Happiness is Key- Life is too short & too precious to not be happy!

This was not the post that was scheduled for today. I had this other funny HA-HA post that was light and  full of humor all ready to go.  However, considering the circumstances that arose today with Landon at school, I found it necessary to vent my frustrations. Well, frustrations is putting it nicely. I am extremely pissed, angry, saddened, disheartened and a boat load of other emotions.

A week ago, a boy in Landon’s class had said some rude things about his hair while waiting for school to begin and Landon told him what he always does- ” Boys can have long hair too”. I kinda hoped this was a one time thing and it would be nipped in the butt, but boy was I wrong. This said child is a Fucking Bully. Yes, You heard me- a bully at 5 years old. Bullies can come in any form, any age and anywhere at all. A Bully is defined as:  A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people.

Today started off like any other day. We got to school, parked and went to the door to wait for the teachers to come and get us. The kids always run around, play tag, talk and do other innocent things kids like to do. Within seconds of Landon going over to the kids, this boy told Landon to get away from him because he doesn’t like his girl hair. Landon, again told him that its not girl hair and that everyone is made perfect the way they are.  (Insert-Proud Mommy Moment #1) Then the kid said, ” I didn’t invite you to my party because you have girl hair and no-one likes you”. He continues to say, “I would have punched you if you came”.

My 4 year old, looks him straight in the eyes and says, ” That is ignorant and rude”. He immediately walks over to me and proudly says that he told him that he was ignorant and that he wants to ignore him from now on because he doesn’t like his attitude. (Insert-Proud Mommy Moment #2 & #3). The  Bell rings and the teacher comes. I thought of saying something then, but was so furious and didn’t want to discuss it in front of the kids. So I went for a 3 mile run instead. All I could think of was Landon. How did he feel? Was this going on inside the classroom? For how long? I knew I needed to find out before I made my next step. So this takes us to the afternoon dismissal.

I put Landon in the car and ask him how his day went. He tells me that this same kid was making fun of him at playtime and snack-time. I asked him if this has happened before. He told me that he makes fun of him almost every day. Then it came. Tears started pouring down my face after he told me a story about one time this kid made fun of him. This is what my 4 year old told me- “Mommy, you would have been so proud of me. He was making fun of me and calling me a girl and saying, NA-NA-NA-NANA to me and I was so mad and sad but I didn’t hit him, bite him, push him or scream. I just walked my legs as fast as I could to the quiet corner and sat down and ignored him”.(Insert- Proud Mommy Moment #4)

Why must my 4 year old have to do this? It hurt me so bad that he is experiencing bullying at such a young age. I hate it. But, deep down I know that he will be better off because of it.  He is learning a big life lesson here. He is choosing to ignore this behavior. He is such a caring and loving person. He accepts everyone- a rare attribute that I wish more people had. We don’t use words like hate, stupid, dumb, retarded, ugly and more in this house. he knows 9 times out of 10 when those words are spoken it is in a negative light.

Some may think I am teaching him to be “too” nice. See, I give a shit what “those people” may think. No-one has ever been hurt by niceness. I would rather have a son who kills with kindness than kills with words.  We have a motto in this house-” Niceness is Priceless” and I am sticking with it. My 4 year old is the most compassionate person I know. He constantly tells me that everyone  is made perfect the way they are and that there are no mistakes. God, I hope he never loses that mentality. I will try my damnedest to make sure that never happens.

End of my rant- its been a long day……Will update with what we decide to do- because you can bet your ass this is not getting pushed aside anymore.

– A seriously upset Momma Bear

Landon – Long hair & Loving it

Success & Happiness …ugh…..sometimes I hate taking about this topic with certain people. Its a never ending battle between opinions. As we all know, everyone values success in their own ways. Some may think wallets full of Benjamin’s makes them Superior in the world, while others flaunt their CEO/CFO titles around like we give a shit. You wanna know what i think? Well, too bad, I am going to tell you anyways. I think if you wake up satisfied & happy with who you are, what you do and most importantly what you have than you are Successful! You are more powerful than the richest man in the world…..Because almost certainly that man is more miserable than you think.

Remember the old saying your parents tried telling you growing up? ” Money doesn’t buy happiness”….well, here we are and its TRUE.  Why do these little life lessons that we are all taught go out the window when we get involved in the “real” world? Yeah sure, Money may make life a bit easier (Fuck, it makes it a whole lot easier)- but if you aren’t happy with your “bare ass self”- then all the money in the world is not going to help you.  Strip down those designer clothes, house filled with expensive furniture, that boat you only use 4 times in the summer, jewelry up the yin yang and what do you see??  Seriously, do it right now. What do you really see? Someone who is happy with what they have? Children, a roof over your head, food to eat, a hobby you enjoy, good friends & family and most importantly YOU!  You are here…living each day….Be Grateful for that- That is truly all you need to be happy- it is yourself.

I am grateful for my son. He is my best friend and I couldn’t imagine life without him….. I am grateful that I woke up today with him, grateful I dealt with his typical 4 year old tantrum out in public no less….and will be grateful for tomorrow when I wake up to him again. I am grateful I found my soul-mate at such a young age- because  you never know when your last day will be and I want as much time with him as possible. I am grateful my husband works 3 jobs so we can have a roof over our heads, so that I can be home and raise my son and take care of both of them…I am grateful for my house- as small as it is and as much as I complain- its a home…it’s a cozy home…and most importantly it’s OUR HOME! I am grateful for my friends & family who without saying bring so much freaking DRAMA & LOVE into my life. I wouldn’t want it any other way- because they are MY friends & family and you should be grateful for what you have not what you do not!

Savor this moment, Because its the only moment you are ever guaranteed to have.  There you have it- I just made you all RICH! Go and spread the Wealth!

My 2 most “Prized” Possessions

So, I am constantly writing about what an awesome kid I have- but do you know anything about me? Other than I have an awesome kid? Who is smart, handsome, witty, charming, playful, loving, caring etc…….OK- enough about the little monster- lets get to ME!

My name is….it’s really Joymarie…but just Joy is who I really am! I feel like everybody and their mother has Marie tagged onto their name…..am I right? So let’s just say , I’m Joy!  So, here I am! Writing about me. Let start basics……

I am 29 years young, from New Jersey, was adopted, have a younger brother named Nick  ( who is also adopted) and older sister Holly. My parents are divorced- have a very small extended family ( 2 cousins is all), grew up in Jersey and attended college in RI & never left.

The family at my brothers wedding

Now on to the fun stuff! What do I like? What do I do? Well, I love to scrapbook, travel everywhere, take photos, write ( hence this blog), crafting, cooking, baking, entertaining, organizing, bargain shop and all things Disney. I collect purses- have over 200…… A very expensive addiction I know! But hey, I don’t drink, don’t smoke so I figure this addiction is much healthier( this is my rationale to my husband) .

Disney 2012

Speaking of the hubs, we have been together for almost 11 years, married for 7 and have an amazing 4 year old son. We met while both attending Johnson & Wales University for different majors but instantly clicked and there it was! Together since the beginning of Freshman year in college! We live in a house in Warwick, RI and have 2 dogs & a cat. Our house is small, but cozy and filled with so much love.

Jesse & I- November 2011

Now- I guess I must tell the truth here…..if you must know …I am probably the most stubborn person you will ever meet. I am not judgmental, and really can’t tolerate people who are ( so doesn’t that kinda make me judgmental?- oh well).
I am the first to admit that my family is wacky, but we are perfect for each other. I have only a few friends I would consider family- and would do anything for them ( you know who you are)  I think less is more- when it comes to everything!
Having a high risk pregnancy ( PKU) and having Landon was the most scary, hard, amazing & rewarding experience in my life. I will live each day for him….he is my life’s work.

Did I mention I love to EAT!

There is the rundown- the very very brief rundown! I could talk about myself for ever! Couldn’t we all? Well, I could! There was a glimpse into the crazy mind that is Landon’s mom & author of this blog! I hope you come back for more….I definitely have lots to say.  Until I write again- signing off….

Joy

My 2 favorite people- I love my Family!

You Know You’re a Mom When……

You leave the house wearing a spiderman band-aid on your pinky finger ( for you moms with girls- Hello Kitty! )

You know 90% of the songs on radio Disney ( and proudly sing them in the car- very LOUD)

The “spit up” is not just a stain- but an ever so popular accessory to your outfit

You secretly wish Barney would “disappear”

The answer to most of your child’s questions become- ” Because I said so”

Your go-to outfit is stretchy yoga pants and a t shirt….maybe a pair of earnings and necklace if you’re feeling “sexy” !

You  consider grocery shopping by yourself- ME TIME!

Sometimes you find yourself watching Disney Jr, PBS kids and Nickelodeon  ( and actually enjoying it)

Mornings begin with a POT of coffee

The job pays $0, but you wouldn’t trade it for the world- its the best job you will ever have!

I am A MOM and embrace all that comes with it! Love you Landon John!

Landon & I - My 1st 5K -Gloria Gemma Breast Cancer Oct 2011