Reduce Your Child’s Stress With SELF-REG By Dr. Stuart Shanker

If you are a parent, chances are there are times when things can get pretty stressful with this parenting gig. Whether it is you or your child, sometimes our emotional responses are not what we would say is appropriate! Fear not, there is something that can help alleviate the stress! SELF-REG is a new book written by Dr. Stuart Shanker, that aims to help parents and caregivers (and their children) break the stress cycle and successfully engage in life. This book resonated with me more than I thought it would. And, I think it could do the same for you.

13512009_1369642833052803_7513924312647813087_nAt the start of the book, you learn about the discovery of the limbic system, often referred to as the “emotional brain” and how it’s connected to our emotions. Each one of our memories is stored here and is associated with an emotional response, whether it be good or bad. Now I know why I am still afraid of the dentist at 33 years old! The ability for our emotional response to be rational and precise, largely is affected by one’s stress level. Each person has an individual level of stress that their limbic system values as a threat. When a threat is seen, our ability to control our responses is lessened.

“Self-control is important but not the central organizing feature of a strong, healthy mind and life success. Self-regulation is.” Dr. Stuart Shanker 

Right from the beginning of the book I felt at ease about my son and I. As most are aware, we both have been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorders and Sensory Processing Disorder. We are usually playing out a “fight or flight” scenario in our minds weekly, even when nothing seems to really be bothering us. When we are anxious, we tend to be more emotional. Overly happy or terribly sad and agitated. It all seemed to make sense. Dr. Stuart Shanker explained it in a way that was easy to understand. I always knew our anxiety was something that we couldn’t control, but it is always nice to hear that we are not alone.

SELF-REG: 5 Core Steps for Transforming Behavior

  1. Read the signs and reframe the behavior
  2. Identify the stressors
  3. Reduce the stressors
  4. Become aware of when you’re overstressed
  5. Figure out what helps you calm, rest and recover

How simple do these steps sound?  While it may take time to learn ALL the signs and stressors, you can start putting these to use immediately. Think about a time when your child was acting fresh or rude. Was there something bothering them? Was there a large crowd, noise, light bothering them? Were they not feeling their best? I ran these steps in my head a few times and was able to determine a few stressors of my son’s that I wasn’t aware of before. We can help our kids navigate their emotions on a healthier level with these steps. Society sometimes tells us that having emotions is a bad thing. That we need to keep them bottled up and repress them. With these steps, kids (and adults alike) will also learn the importance of emotional openness and safety. Holding our emotions in can actually lead to more stress in our lives.

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I highly suggest this book for anyone who has a tough time recognizing their child’s behavior.  These steps for transforming behavior are not to control our children. It is to help them understand “why this” behavior and to help them self-regulate. It is never too early or late to start learning this technique. And remember, these steps can help us understand our own signs and stressors. A little understanding can go a long way, especially when we can understand ourselves on a deeper level. We not only become better parents, but better people for it.

I was given an advance digital copy to facilitate my own opinion. You have a chance to win a hardcopy of SELF-REG by entering the giveaway below. I hope you enter~there is much to learn from this book!
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J.O.Y.S Yoga Workshop

A few months ago, I was tasked with writing a piece on kids mental health for the Rhode Island Health & fitness magazine.  For years, I have been practicing yoga, coloring and mediation for stress management. Throughout that time, I started sharing my experience with my son. Not only was my stress a little less “stressful” to manage, but so was my sons. Kids are not impervious to stress. So, my article began to write itself in my mind and it turned into a cover story and one I am so proud of. You can read my full article here: Helping Kids Stress Less and Live More. 

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When I started combining yoga, coloring and visualization into my son’s routine (weekly) I started to see a difference. Even for myself, the change was almost instant. After a quick yoga session or 15 minutes of coloring I instantly felt alive, awakened and an overwhelming sense of calm. This was the type of euphoria I was longing for as I sufferer of anxiety and depression most of my life. Yoga, coloring and meditation are just 3 more tools in the toolbox for coping with stress.

When I was editing my article, I realized that this would make a great program in schools. And then as quickly as the thought popped into my head, it went away. I never thought I would have the courage to branch out that way. About a month after I finished writing and sent the article to the editor, it was published. I received such great feedback.  I truly believe the more tools we have at a younger age for combating stress, the easier it gets to recognize our bodies responses and what we can do to help ourselves.

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Since the response was so great, I decided to take a leap of faith and present it to my son’s school. I grabbed the thought from the back of mind and  J.O.Y.S Yoga Workshop (Journal Out Your Stress) was formed. And let me tell you it has been more rewarding than I could have ever imagined. It has helped me overcome some of my own anxieties’ and fears. The kids (all 15 of them) are so unique and so enthusiastic. We have one session left and they are already asking to sign up for more. Bless their hearts.

I spent 2 1/2 months planning the curriculum. Every session has a different theme and I make sure all activities follow suit, which was only capable by doing the research and putting the time in.

Beginning: Basic stretches and welcomes
Topic: Sleep and Relaxation:  How do you feel when you can’t sleep? What do you do? Breathe? Visualize things? Stretch? We discuss our feelings as a group.
Yoga Postures: Go over 6 poses that help calm and are proven to help you sleep better. Invite a child up to teach with me.
Journal Prompt: C.A.L.M picture with the 1.2.3 breathe exercise
GAME: Walking MeditationA simple way for kids to really be present and feel what it is like to be calm, hear calm, think calming thoughts…
Ending: Sun salutation; reduces the feeling of restlessness and anxiety. Hand out sun salutation paper in class to practice at home. 

Of course, the children are the reason I am doing this, so I listen to the cues they give me. I might spend more time on something and skip something all together. I have made slight adjustments here and there. The kids asked for more journaling right from the beginning so I added an extra journal prompt. I am thankful for this opportunity to share my experience with them. I am grateful for their open minds and willingness to share their own feelings with me. I look forward to our final session and can’t wait to share a full report of the program when it is all said and done.

The light within me honors the light within you!

Namaste