Reduce Your Child’s Stress With SELF-REG By Dr. Stuart Shanker

If you are a parent, chances are there are times when things can get pretty stressful with this parenting gig. Whether it is you or your child, sometimes our emotional responses are not what we would say is appropriate! Fear not, there is something that can help alleviate the stress! SELF-REG is a new book written by Dr. Stuart Shanker, that aims to help parents and caregivers (and their children) break the stress cycle and successfully engage in life. This book resonated with me more than I thought it would. And, I think it could do the same for you.

13512009_1369642833052803_7513924312647813087_nAt the start of the book, you learn about the discovery of the limbic system, often referred to as the “emotional brain” and how it’s connected to our emotions. Each one of our memories is stored here and is associated with an emotional response, whether it be good or bad. Now I know why I am still afraid of the dentist at 33 years old! The ability for our emotional response to be rational and precise, largely is affected by one’s stress level. Each person has an individual level of stress that their limbic system values as a threat. When a threat is seen, our ability to control our responses is lessened.

“Self-control is important but not the central organizing feature of a strong, healthy mind and life success. Self-regulation is.” Dr. Stuart Shanker 

Right from the beginning of the book I felt at ease about my son and I. As most are aware, we both have been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorders and Sensory Processing Disorder. We are usually playing out a “fight or flight” scenario in our minds weekly, even when nothing seems to really be bothering us. When we are anxious, we tend to be more emotional. Overly happy or terribly sad and agitated. It all seemed to make sense. Dr. Stuart Shanker explained it in a way that was easy to understand. I always knew our anxiety was something that we couldn’t control, but it is always nice to hear that we are not alone.

SELF-REG: 5 Core Steps for Transforming Behavior

  1. Read the signs and reframe the behavior
  2. Identify the stressors
  3. Reduce the stressors
  4. Become aware of when you’re overstressed
  5. Figure out what helps you calm, rest and recover

How simple do these steps sound?  While it may take time to learn ALL the signs and stressors, you can start putting these to use immediately. Think about a time when your child was acting fresh or rude. Was there something bothering them? Was there a large crowd, noise, light bothering them? Were they not feeling their best? I ran these steps in my head a few times and was able to determine a few stressors of my son’s that I wasn’t aware of before. We can help our kids navigate their emotions on a healthier level with these steps. Society sometimes tells us that having emotions is a bad thing. That we need to keep them bottled up and repress them. With these steps, kids (and adults alike) will also learn the importance of emotional openness and safety. Holding our emotions in can actually lead to more stress in our lives.

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I highly suggest this book for anyone who has a tough time recognizing their child’s behavior.  These steps for transforming behavior are not to control our children. It is to help them understand “why this” behavior and to help them self-regulate. It is never too early or late to start learning this technique. And remember, these steps can help us understand our own signs and stressors. A little understanding can go a long way, especially when we can understand ourselves on a deeper level. We not only become better parents, but better people for it.

I was given an advance digital copy to facilitate my own opinion. You have a chance to win a hardcopy of SELF-REG by entering the giveaway below. I hope you enter~there is much to learn from this book!
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Top 5 Toys For Sensory Kids

I have put together a list of my Top 5 toys for sensory kids. Why? Because it’s that time of year!  If you have a sensational kid you might have noticed they sometimes don’t play with certain toys. Whether it’s the sound it makes, they way it feels or even how it looks, they are turned off.  I remember getting so frustrated around Landon’s birthday and holidays when he was little because he rarely would play with anything we bought. Once we learned what his preferences were, toy shopping wasn’t so bad.  While every toy doesn’t have to have an educational component to it, I do tend to choose ones that encourage creativity, problem solving and that require him to use his tactile sense.

My TOP 5 TOYS for Sensory Kids

Legos– Great for any age!  You can start with the Duplo set and move along to the standard size Lego as they age. While each set builds a specific design, you can custom create just about anything you want with Legos. Landon and I have built castles, upside down houses, double-decker boats and more all using our own imagination! Blocks of any material can work as well, but we are a Lego family! Great for kids who need to work on their fine motor skills among other things! My favorite gift to give any child!

Photo Credit: Amazon

Playdoh: Landon is 8 years old and stills plays with playdoh occasionally. Now that he is older he prefers modeling clay (same type of concept)- but this is great for working with their hands. It helps develop fine motor skills and creativity. You don’t even have to buy a special set. Grab a few tubs of playdoh, and look in your own cupboard for cool tools to use. Cookies cutters, frosting spreader, rolling-pin and other everyday items around the house. Create!

playdoh

Books: While books in any form are amazing for kids, I find that touch and feel,  pop up books and books with sound are our favorite. I love Usborne look inside books. They have all sorts of topics for different ages. Starting with a simple book on barnyard animals to space facts or Egyptian mythology. At 8 years old, he still loves a good lift up book.

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Puzzles: I love Melissa and Doug for this category. They have so many puzzles to choose from. Chunky block puzzles for the toddler all the way up to 100+ piece for the older child and everything in between. They have even have puzzles where you open doors and puzzles that make noise. This is great for kiddos needing to work on their fine motor skills and those who like toys with sound!

puzzle

Magnatiles: I love these translucent color tiles that kids use to create endless 3D and 2D designs. They hold together by the power of magnification. They even come with pre-designed templates for kids to follow to build a specific design. Following the templates helps with the skill of following step by step directions!

magnatilesThere are a ton of great gifts for our sensational kids but these are just some of our favorites. Landon goes back to these year after year. And these gifts are great for any kiddo in your life! All these toys I found on Amazon- and offer free shipping, what’s better than that!  Happy Shopping!

 

Namaste~

Living with Sensory Processing Disorder

My world is sensational, thanks to a 7-year-old boy named Landon. Some day’s loud noises are our friend and then the next day they aren’t. On most days sunlight is the enemy, food is surely our foe and bedtime is never quick or painless. Anxiety leads to sadness and sadness leads to frustration and frustration leads to anger. You see, my Landon has Sensory Processing Disorder, better known as SPD. Sensory Processing Disorder is a condition that exists when sensory signals don’t get organized into appropriate responses. A. Jean Ayres, PhD said it best when she referred to SPD as a neurological “traffic jam” in the brain.

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SPD can affect our senses such as vision, audition, tactile, olfactory, taste, proprioception and the vestibular system. It can affect one sense or multiple senses at once. All of Landon’s senses are affected by SPD. While some days only certain things act as a trigger for him, he does have days where he has a full blown “sensory day”. Call it mother’s intuition, but I can tell if he is going to have a “sensory day” within 1 hour of him being awake.

During Landon’s test for developmental delays and learning disabilities, it was discovered that Landon was in fact gifted. While some people are not convinced that there is a link between gifted minds and SPD, there is more research being complied on this topic everyday to say otherwise. Paula Jarrad, MS, OTR conducted a research study in hopes to bring awareness to the prevalence of SPD in gifted children.

 “The ‘double-edged sword’ of giftedness often bestows, among other features, a global heightened awareness to sensory stimulation, an endowment of amplified mental processing speed and attention capacity, and unusual challenges with frustration, pain, noise, and emotional hypersensitivity,” Jarrard learned from her review. “As many as one-third of gifted children may exhibit sensory processing disorder features, significantly impacting quality of life.”

I find her results to be very accurate in how it depicts life with my sensational kid.

Preliminary research states that SPD is often inherited, which means it is coded into the child’s genetic makeup. However, as in many developmental and behavioral disorders, genetic factors and environmental factors can affect the child. Only with more research will doctors be able to identify the role that each factor plays. While navigating this path with Landon, I uncovered that I also have SPD. At first, I was sad to think I might have passed this onto him, but Landon is who he was meant to be, and he, nor I will ever apologize for being “sensational”.

In order to better understand if a child is having sensory issues, try using the “Sensory Checklist” here.  This checklist is usually broken into age categories.  After reading the entire checklist, you might think that most kids exhibit these characteristics and it is not a big deal. However, it is when the symptoms of these characteristics become severe enough to affect normal functioning and disrupt everyday life that it becomes a challenge. Behavioral therapy, play therapy and social skills groups are just some of the ways you can treat SPD. You must find the right balance that works for you and your sensational kid.

My child has been labeled fussy as baby, grouchy as a toddler and now anxious as a 7 year old. I tear these labels off. Labels are for jars, not for my son. Having SPD doesn’t define us. Instead it shapes us. We might move to the right while others move left. But in the end, we are all on the same journey. We want to learn, grow, socialize, love and explore just like the rest of you. We just have a harder time navigating through it all. We do things a little differently, as does everyone in some way, shape or form. And last time I checked, being different makes us unique. The world is better place when we are free to be who we were meant to be.

A fully edited and more descriptive version of this story has been published in RI Parent Magazine, October issue.  It was chosen as the cover story and features my little boy! 

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Namaste ~ Joy

Sensory Processing & the Challenges it brings

Say it isn’t so. Sensory Processing Disorder truly controls Landon’s life.  However, control doesn’t have to have a negative impact. It can force you to think “outside the box”, which for Landon, has made him more creative! From what he eats, what he wears, his anxiety, the ability to touch certain items and more, it all has a daily effect on him.  However, this control doesn’t hinder him from having a ” normal” life. And I put “normal” lightly as I fully believe there is no single entity that we should define as normal. He makes friends regardless of his social anxiety. He learns ways to cope to loud noises. He focuses on what textures he likes versus not dwelling on those he doesn’t. Even his open bite posture causes him the inability to make certain sounds. Somehow, he manages to say words that he just shouldn’t be able too ( shock to his speech therapist as well). He truly is a determined little man, who I couldn’t be any prouder of.

At the eye doctors picking out his frames

At the eye doctors picking out his frames


Here we are again. Sensory Processing has  added another “challenge” to his list. And again, I say “challenge” lightly as each challenge only makes you more unique. LANDON NEEDS GLASSES. Not because his vision is impaired, but for a whole other reason. Technically, his vision is 20/20. It’s when the environment effects his vision, (i.e. wind, light, glare) the glasses are needed. This is especially true for light. At his vision appointment, we found out that Landon has larger than normal pupils for any adult my age. Meaning, it lets more light in. Landon has always been sensitive to light as most sensational kiddos are, so having pupils that cause more light to travel through his eyes only exacerbates his visual sensory challenges.

Off to School with his new Glasses!

Off to School with his new Glasses!

We all know schools are infamous for their horrible track UV lighting that would give anyone a headache. But those with sensory challenges are more susceptible to headaches, decreased concentration and poor vision because of this. To read more about how a classroom can affect kids with sensory challenges, click here. Landon’s headaches were so bad, I knew something had to be wrong. Here we are today with glasses that have a mild prescription, uv protection and scratch resistant. I am hoping this alleviates his headaches. He has been a trooper through all of this. Even at the 2 hour appointment, he let the doctor poke and prod all around his face and get very up close and personal. He was so well behaved and I was so very proud. He was even excited to pick out his very own pair of glasses. Now that  school vacation week is over, the true test will begin. Will he remember to wear them? Will he lose them? Will he break them? Will they help with the glare & squinting?  But honestly, I only care that he is not upset about this new challenge he has. He realizes that people are unique and his uniqueness happens to also include wearing glasses!

~Namaste~

Being Goofy with our glasses!

Being Goofy with our glasses!