funny sayings

10 things to tell a woman before she has a baby

/ mysenkid / Leave a comment

10 Things to tell a woman before she has a baby

1. You should relish in the fact that you can go on a 4 hour road trip and hold your urge to use the bathroom. Really.

2. Next time you see a mother sneeze and not cover her nose, don’t roll your eyes. She had to make the hard quick decision to tighten her legs or cover that nose…..I always pick the first…..it’s a hard decision you just have to live with!

3. Enjoy those perky little things on your chest! After a baby, invest in a really nice push-up bra…..or don’t…….either way- Enjoy them NOW!

4. You look gorgeous in that designer silk  blouse, white pants and high stilettos! Learn to embrace black yoga pants, flowy cotton shirts and slip on boots- it’s your new uniform!

5. Gas & heartburn. Welcome to your new Reality. If you experienced these before, well then, get ready for some an insane firework display to happen inside of your body. Have fun!

6. If you want a clean house, hire a maid. Or plan on cleaning every night when the moon is high, the babies are silent and you are practically dead. Zombie-like dead.

7. Invest in stain remover. I repeat, invest in stain remover. Pronto!

8. Eating a quality meal consists of being the official taste taster of all the food your baby consumes. Yum…….bright orange carrots that taste like shit…..Delish!

9. Grocery shopping (alone) is the best thing ever. If you can score a Target shopping trip- well my lady friend, you just won the mommy lottery!

10. Prepare to be so overwhelmed, filled to the brim with love, tired, grumpy, overjoyed the next minute and willing to embrace all the challenges and rewarding moments that come with being a mom!

What do you wish someone told you (honestly) about what to expect when you were expecting????? Share- I would love to know!

What did you say to me?

/ mysenkid / 15 Comments

Things you do not say to a mom- most importantly ME!

My list could go on, but these are my all time TOP 5 ones that I hear all too much.

1. What’s wrong with him?
You know moms do not do well when others pick out flaws in our children. I will be the first to mention when there is something he needs to work on- you in the other hand can keep your mouth shut thank you very much.
2. Give me one week with him…….
Excuse me? And Why, what will you do? You will what? Fix him? Change him? As if I am doing something wrong? Step back…..step away slowly…….
3. If he is hungry, he will eat it.
It might work for most kids, but not ALL kids. Ever heard of the exception? And if I hear one more story of how when you were younger there was only one meal for dinner and if you didn’t eat, you went to bed hungry, I think I will scream.
4. You look tired.
Well, moms are tired. We work all day long, some with multiple children. So,
Thanks, if that’s your way of saying I look like crap, then you are too kind!
5. You look like such a mom.
As if there is something wrong with being a mom, society defines looking like “a mom” with negative attributes, I.e mom jeans, fluffy belly, saggy boobs, flats, “mom” haircut- I find that unfair……..If I want to rock high waist jeans and ballet flats I freaking most certainly will. I will do it with pride!

What is something that was said to you that rubbed you the wrong way? Please share……so at least I know I am not alone with this. Or maybe I am. Oh no……..am I?