The Lesson

When I think about Motherhood, it’s only suffice to say that the first thing that pops into my head is MY son Landon and also how Motherhood is a life long lesson. Most people think parents are the ones who do most of the teaching when it comes to children. But we are wrong. Children have a way of opening our hearts & minds in ways we never thought possible & in turn teaching us about life. So, when I think of motherhood, Landon comes to mind not only because he is my son, but because he has taught me lessons on life that I will never forget. And most were taught before he was even here.

How is this possible you may ask? Landon was a thought, a plan, a vision even before he was on this earth. He had to be….So in turn he taught us our very 1st lesson of having HOPE. Hope for expanding our family and Hope that everything would turn out how it was meant to be.

You see, I have PKU. PKU is a rare genetic disorder that means my body can’t break down protein. Protein is in 99.9999% of all the food we eat. Yeah, crazy I know! But my middle name is crazy so….(no not really- well maybe sometimes..lol). Too much protein in the blood stream can cause Brain defects or a miscarriage when pregnant. The chances of my child having PKU was 85% because my protein levels were so high. Being adopted and not knowing any family history also left me with challenges in regards to having a baby. PKU is hard, but having PKU and wanting to give birth to a healthy child is even harder and almost impossible. We took many different routes to get on the right path. So, yet again, another lesson Landon taught us- “if at first you don’t succeed, try & try again” .

So try we did. After being referred to the Maternal Fetal clinic at women’s & infants hospital, we tried every attempt they gave us to get my Protein levels into the acceptable range. This consisted of many things.

First, bloodwork every week. Vials and vials of it. For those who know me, this girl seriously hates needles. As an adult they have to hold me down for a mere finger prick and NO I am not exaggerating!

Second, I was only allowed at first to have about 3-5 grams of natural protein a day. So for all you non-nutrition label readers like myself that equals to 1 measly slice of bread. To supplement, I took over 100 pills a day. Wait! Let’s rephrase. 100 bigger than life -horse pills a day. Now ,This was not an easy task , because at 30 I still ask for some medicines in liquid form.

Third, & the worst- was drinking the protein formula that had a thick chalk like base, tasted like dirty diapers with a hint of cherry all while smelling like battery acid. The clinical nutritionist who prescribed it to me said and I quote, ” it’s horrible Joy, I am not going to lie”. And let’s not even get started on my husband. He couldn’t even handle watching me drink it without gagging. But there I was. Doing this all on blind Faith, for we never knew if we would get the OK to have a baby. And still Landon continued to teach us, “that with Faith all things are possible”

After 7 months of being hungry, sick of the needles, gagging on the pills & formula, we finally were told my levels were safe. I believe it was the Hope & Faith Landon taught us those prior 7 months that helped us through. For the following month we were pregnant & thrilled. But thrills quickly turned to fears. Very early on in the pregnancy we met with a genetic counselor. There we learned all the disabilities in addition to PKU our child could be born with based on my condition. It was frightening to say the least.

The pregnancy continued to progress. I was in the hospital at least twice a week for ultrasounds, bloodwork and visits with the CNDC. Because I was still not allowed to eat much of anything, I was very ill. So ill, that I was losing weight at a fast rate and was put on medical leave from my job. It was then when i was really able to concentrate on staying as healthy as i could. I was not the ” oh she’s glowing” type of pregnant lady. I was more the “I’m hungry and can’t eat so get out of my way” type of pregnant lady. But, I tried to always stay positive (“tried” is the imperative word here…hehehe).

Our path to Landon was not your typical one. It all began on a day in March of 06′ and ended November 19th 2007. This was just a glimpse into the road to our Landon. No one will ever fully understand what we went through or how we felt. But thats ok. It is our story. It’s our journey. Although hard & at some points with no light at the end of the tunnel, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Despite the strong odds against my little man, he was BORN healthy. For you see, with Landon’s birth, he taught us the most valuable lesson we will ever receive-” That miracles do happen”.

So, I leave you with this 1 question. What lessons have your children taught you?

Thank you.

All I want for Mother’s Day

Mothers Day is tomorrow…..I loathe Mothers Day. Mothers should be celebrated everyday 24/7. There are more reasons for my feelings but most are too in depth to mention now. But let’s just say “IF” I liked this Hallmark created Holiday, how would my day look like?

Top 10 things to make my Mothers Day Awesome!

10. I don’t want to lift a finger to do anything. Nothing. This includes all things related to myself as well. If I want to brush my teeth or wash my face then I will. If I don’t, deal with it.

9. Weight Watchers Points Plus Values don’t exist on this day. No such thing. What? I am a Lifetime member and should take this more seriously? Screw you. lose 80 pounds and then talk shit to me!

8. My checkbook is full of possibilities. If I feel like going to lunch, I have money for that. If I feel like a new outfit, I have money for that. If I feel like buying a pink flamingo lawn ornament, I have money for that! Get the pattern? I have money for “THAT”!

7. I will be referred to as “Queen Joy” for the entire day. All who enter my humble ( nice way to say tiny) abode, must refer to me as such.

6. The weather would be gorgeous for a New England May Day! 70 degrees max, sunny with a calm breeze. The air would smell like lilacs and honey. Oh Spring!

5. I would wake up feeling the best I’ve felt all year! I would have no worries. Wouldn’t that be something?

4. Chocolate covered confections and designer purses would be just “some” of the gifts I would receive.

3. I would be served breakfast in bed. Homemade crepes, bacon, fresh squeezed orange juice ( with a little bubbly of course) all accompanied by flowers and cards.

2. My insanely lovable yet crazy animals would be on their best behavior. Prize winning behavior. No trash eating, spilling their food and water, jumping over the fences to escape and especially NO Barking at EVERYTHING!

1. And because my awesomeness is well, just so awesome, there would be World Peace! I know my awesomeness is overwhelming, I try to take it down a notch but I’m just too damn awesome!

Happy Mother’s Day to me & you………
In all seriousness, I will enjoy what my day holds no matter what because I will be with my two favorite men- love you Jesse & Landon

RockStar

My kid is a Rockstar. My kid is also crazy. My kid likes to play. My kid has SPD. My kid is understanding. My kid is a jokester. My kid is also a typical boy.

In typical boy fashion and at only 5 years of age, he has received his first concussion. 2 weeks ago, on a Friday with only 10 minutes left on the school-day, he went full steam ahead into a metal parallel bar on the playground. It was made just for him. It was the perfect measurement to smoke his nose on. He passed out, on his back but only for a matter of seconds. And then the blood, immediate swelling of the eyes and of course his tears.

His sad tears quickly turned to happy tears. On the walk to the nurses office, he starting telling jokes to his teacher. How he doesn’t care if he loses his nose because he will grow another one like lizard from Spider-Man. Then he preceded to say how cool his fall was!

I was sitting in my car as I do everyday waiting for the kids to be let out for the day. Along came a classmates father, knocks on my window and scares the bejesus out of me. He tells me that I need to go to the nurses office right away because he just witnessed what happened. I run to the door. It feels like forever until someone opens the door. I then run past them as I shout that my son was hurt and is in the nurses office.

There he was. Lying on the couch, ice on his face, bloody rag and all. After the school nurse did her checkup, it was time for us to go the big wigs! Hasbro children’s Hospital! We were immediately given a room. He was not making sense, falling asleep on & off and just kept saying he was dizzy. Long story short- after 5 hours we got our diagnosis. Concussion.

 

Over the next couple days we found out that concussions and sensory challenges are not friends. They amplify each other. They play a game of tag, both teaming up on each other and making the symptoms worse, all while you try and figure out which one to blame. He was more sensitive to sounds and light. He was overactive, then extremely lethargic. He was so emotional. Happy then sad, then angry then agitated all within minutes of each other. He slept until 10am most morning and wet the bed as well. Things he hasn’t done in over 3 months. Needless to say, the past 2 weeks were not fun. And he continues to have some of these effects 2 weeks later. But at least he is back in school this week. Even though school is only a mere 2 1/2 hours, I think the schedule will help him recover. We were beyond bored at home! He was not allowed to watch TV ( which we abbreviated to 1 1/2hours a day), no playgrounds, no running, no jumping, no bike riding, no sports, no nothing. I kept him busy with crafts, walks with the dogs, baking and shopping!

My son is a Rockstar. Even when the neighborhood boy came over asking to play, he never complained. Even when he wasn’t allowed to participate in his yellow belt karate ceremony he didn’t complain. Even when I said, “No” to the play-space he didn’t complain. He cracked jokes about his accident mere seconds after it happened. He has tested my patience these past 2 weeks. He has tested his own patience these past 2 weeks. The Rockstar in him is victorious! He really is just the best little man I know! He understood complaining about it wouldn’t make it any easier. Hopefully this week things will start to get better for my Rockstar, he needs a break! He’s been a trooper- a Rockstar!

Up there, Mommy!

My writing seems to have a common theme lately. Questions proposed by my inquisitive 5 year old. Well, just as I was planning to write on a different topic tonight, my son comes at me again with a question “too good” not to discuss. Let’s start from the beginning. Landon had a great day today. His daddy went to his school classroom to build a planter with his classmates. He was so excited and proud of his daddy! The kids had a great time and now have a self-watering planter for their classroom that they all helped build.

After school, Landon & I went to the library to get some new books. While there he picked out a new movie to watch before bed. Charlie Brown Christmas! Yup- even had to rock his Christmas pajamas while he watched it. After the library, we went on a Mommy & Landon dinner date to Cracker Barrel. Played games at the table, colored, laughed and enjoyed some yummy food. On the way home, again as if falling out of the sky, Landon asked me how do we bury people. I told him that at a cemetery a big hole is dug, and we place the person into a bed made out of wood. This bed has a top so no dirt can get in. Then they lower it into the ground and cover it over.

I then preceded to ask him why did he want to know this. He said because he just saw someone who is buried. I don’t know why this shocked me so much, because I am used to him being so in-touch with things outside of his normal realm. But Alas, I was shocked and asked him what he meant by that. He responded with, ” I just saw Elanna, up there in the clouds and she said Hello to me”.

“Oh really”, I said. Landon responded with, “Yes, look! Up there in that cloud”. I was driving so I just glanced back at him in the back and he was looking out the window, head tilted, waving and mouthing “Hi”. It was surreal……..I just glanced back forward and said to Landon that I love him and he is such an amazing man. I swear I couldn’t make this stuff up even if I tried. This isn’t the first time he has randomly “seen” Elanna either. He talks to her, see’s her and hears her all the time. It’s things like this that remind me of how blessed I am. I write about my daily interactions with him because I never want to forget and want him to know (read) that he was born amazing from the beginning!

Elanna holding Landon at his 1st Birthday party....2008!

Elanna holding Landon at his 1st Birthday party….2008!

 

 

Tummy Troubles

Last night while coming home from the YMCA, Landon asked me a question. This question literally came out of the blue, as if falling from the sky into my lap. To be honest, I am still pondering how he even came up with It. Landon asked, “Mommy, whose tummy did you come out of? because I know it wasn’t Noni’s”.

I immediately asked him how he knew it wasn’t Noni’s tummy. He said he doesn’t know how he knows, he just remembers something about it. And to be honest, I don’t know if we ever discussed that I was adopted. We have definitely discussed adoptions in general. He knows what it means and understands it. But I can’t remember if we discussed me!

Being adopted is something I live with everyday. Not a day goes by that it doesn’t cross my mind. Sometimes it makes me sad. Sometimes it makes me happy. And sometimes I just feel kinda lost. I am 30 years old and I don’t think it will ever be “off” my mind. But I am fine with that. Even though it may make me feel a plethora of emotions, I am ALWAYS proud of being adopted. That will never change. It is who I am.

Back to proposed question from my inquisitive 5 year old. responded very quick with a brief answer. “No, I didn’t come from Noni’s tummy, but she is my mom and loves me very much, just the same way I love you”. He then asked me what do I call the person whose tummy I came from. He wanted now know of that person was his grandmother and he will ever meet her.  I told him that I love him very much because he is so curious and has a wonderful heart and that Daddy & Mommy can answer all your questions tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the day…and although I still have no idea what to say to him, I am happy that my little man is so curious about these things. He wants to know everything he possibly can. I know the term ” birth mother” will be used, but we are still unsure of what to tell him. Actually, sometimes I still don’t understand my adoption either. So this is why it’s so hard. I will report back with our findings…and how he takes it and what we say..and I am glad he is not so good with time-frames because I think I will need more than 1 day to think this over!

Make it Monday- Building

It’s Monday! So, another “Make it” post is in order. Landon’s class is doing a large segment on construction & building the next month so I thought I would start April off with that theme. We all know Landon’s fascination with Angry Birds, right? Well we decided to build a creation for some of his plush stuffed ones.

Every-time we thought we had it right, some blocks fell down. We used trial & error to see which blocks work best near each other. After a while, he got it down. And he was so proud of his creation! The best part of all this, was knocking it down! It is sad that it takes so long to build and only seconds to destroy. But those seconds were oh so fun for us!

Here is a picture of Landon and his proud smile showcasing his creation! Stay tuned for next weeks Make it Monday!

image

Movie magic

Easter Sunday, after church and our intimate family brunch we went to the movies as a family. We all have taken our children to the movie theater at some point in their lives. So I am sure you are wondering why on earth I am writing about taking my kid to a movie? How interesting can this be? Well, for starters it’s not just about taking my child to a movie. It’s about the outcome of this particular movie trip (and maybe a little plug for the movie itself)!

We all know Landon has sensory challenges. I don’t like to rewrite Sensory Processing Disorder over & over in my posts because it just seems to make that label stick more to Landon. And in this family, Labels are for Jars ( if you don’t believe me just look up my post titled that very thing). Anyways, now that I made my very own PSA, lets get to the real point of my post!

Landon’s sensory challenges have always been an issue when going to the movie theater. For starters, it’s dark, almost pitch black when you sit in the way back where we like to sit. Second, It is either extremely hot or very cold, which makes it so difficult to navigate my closet when going to a movie. What do you wear? I have mastered it- Layers! And last is the loud sound effects coming at you from every angle, (and let’s not forget those “people” who like to have loud conversations in the dark).

Landon has been to the movies a lot. He has cried at every movie he has seen in a theater. Whether it be it was too loud, too dark, too cold or sometimes because he didn’t like what was happening in the movie and was so anxious about the outcome. This particular day, he did NOT cry. He thoroughly enjoyed the movie. He was fine with the dark, never put his hands to his ears and laughed and clapped the entire way through. I was so proud of him. This is a huge accomplishment. I am not naive. I know that he may continue to have issues in the future, but I know that we are on the right path. Yay for the Croods & the beginning of civilization (you’ll have to see the movie), Its worth it! Check out some info on the movie here The Croods

 

See you real soon,

Landon’s mom

 

The “Art” of Birdwatching

It’s Make it Monday and today was one of the worst days I have had in along time. You know the saying, “waking up on the wrong side of the bed”, well I dove head first onto the wrong side. Everything was going wrong, I was beyond tired, migraine from Hell and just really crabby. Needless to say, I did not want to do anything, let alone “Make” something.

While Landon was at school, my crabbiness kinda drifted away a bit. I took a shower, ate some really bad for you foods and watched my guilty pleasure TV shows. So, decided to keep with our theme from last weeks “Make it Monday”.  For those who don’t know, last week we made bird feeders. This week I decided to make binoculars to watch those said birds! We had a blast and Landon made it from start to finish all by his lonesome! Daddy & Landon even went on a bird watching walk after dinner.

I am glad I continued with my plan. Landon really enjoys this and is always so excited to tell his friends at school what we do on Mondays!

Landon and his creation

Landon and his creation

Happy Monday!

Thanks for tuning in!

Joy

Make it Monday

I have decided that Landon & I will be using Mondays to get creative. The teachers say that he can create all day long. I want him to feel like he can be creative at home as well as school. So, “Make it Mondays” have been born! It doesn’t have to be art related….it could be anything. As long as it’s made with our hands, It Counts!

Today we made bird feeders using plastic bottles, a wooden spoon and some ribbon. We had a blast making it and I know the birdies are very happy with the outcome! Here are some pictures of the process as well as the finished product! Get your creative juices flowing with your little ones. It’s so important to engage your child’s imagination. Enjoy your Monday!

20130318-220102.jpg20130318-220126.jpg20130318-220120.jpg20130318-220113.jpg

 

 

 

My favorite shopping buddy is my BOY?

I know I used to joke a while back that I would never have those  “all day” shopping trips that moms of girls have. But, I was wrong. My son is a fashion hound! He loves it. Every aspect of it he takes very seriously. We never push him to wear something he doesn’t like. Nor do we ever tell him he can’t wear something of his choosing.

He wears ties & bow-ties to school. Loves boat shoes & oxfords. Has about 50 button down shirts (plaid is his favorite), and rocks skinny jeans like no-ones business. He loves to dress. Even down to his boxers, he makes sure he likes everything he puts on himself. Today we spent the entire day shopping for clothes for Spring/Summer. His idea not mine. He said, “Mommy, the weather is getting nicer out and pretty soon I will to wear shorts & bathing suits. Let’s go to my favorite stores and buy me some new clothes because I am getting so big”.

This wasn’t a shock to me, since I know how much he likes to pick out his own clothes. We can’t go to Target without looking at the clothes. Only sometimes does he act like a typical 5 year old boy and ask for the Toy section as well. We enjoyed our day. We went to his favorite stores, Crazy 8, Gymboree & Target. We came home with a good start to his wardrobe. Suspenders, Converse High-tops, 2 new necklaces, a bow-tie, some plaid shorts, graphic T’s and more……Damn, my boy has class when it comes to his style!