In a little more than 1 week, I will be doing something that I am dreading. I have having surgery- getting my tubes tied to be exact. Part of me knows it’s a necessary step for my health & family and the other part feels like I will no longer be a “whole” woman. Circulating throughout both of these feelings is fear. I am so afraid, I can’t even put it into words. For those who know me, I have a phobia of needles. When I see a needle, whether or not it’s intended for me, that SWV song <Weak> pops into my head and I can’t help but sing the chorus and only deepen my fear of those tiny, sharp, shiny instruments.
For those who may not know this song that was so popular in the early 90’s, here is a brief introduction:
“I get weak in the knees, I can hardly breathe, I lose all control …that it knocks me off of my feet……” As you can see, this line hits the nail on the head as it pertains to my fear.
So what’s all this about? What is necessary for my health? Thank you for asking these questions and what great ones at that. I believe I have the answers you are looking for. It’s simple really. 3 letters simple. PKU. I’ll say it again slowly for those who weren’t paying attention. P-K-U. Because of those three pain in the ass letters, I, Joy Adamonis will be having surgery to prevent a future pregnancy.
This girl is nuts. What the heck is she talking about. PKU, surgery, no more pregnancies? Well, Get ready to have your mind blown.
– Phenylketonuria (PKU) is an autosomal recessive metabolic genetic disorder characterized by a mutation in the gene for the hepatic enzyme phenylalanine hydroxylase (PAH), rendering it nonfunctional.This enzyme is necessary to metabolize the amino acid phenylalanine (Phe) to the amino acid tyrosine. When PAH activity is reduced, phenylalanine accumulates and is converted into phenylpyruvate (also known as phenylketone), which can be detected in the urine.
All this makes perfect sense right? Come on. I know all of you went to medical school in your spare time. Well, it’s about to get even more confusing.
For women with phenylketonuria, (insert my crazy ass here) it is essential for the health of their children to maintain low Phe levels before and during pregnancy. Though the developing fetus may only be a carrier of the PKU gene, the intrauterine environment can have very high levels of phenylalanine, which can cross the placenta. The child may develop congenital heart disease, growth retardation, microcephaly and mental retardation as a result and sometimes a miscarriage.
Landon could have be born with PKU ( a 85% chance to be exact), a heart malfunction- heart outside of his body (65% chance), Cerbal Palsy ( 20% chance) and Down Syndrome ( 45% chance) . All these percentages were given to us by our genetic counselor after she ran tests after tests. All this because my levels were so high before I conceived. So, I had to go on a low protein diet for 6 months prior to even being allowed to think of conceiving a child. Then, the fun stuff. No food while I was pregnant, doctors 4 times a week, blood work, ultrasounds, disgusting formula and medical food……< I go into details in my previous post titled, “The Lesson”. If you don’t mind getting bored, you should read it! >
So you see, Landon is a sign. He is my one and only. I won’t screw around with chance twice. My hardwork and dedication led me to him, and I would have been happy with him regardless of any condition he was born with. But, to go through it again, I just can’t. Some people call me selfish. Selfish for not wanting to give my son a sibling. I say to them, “screw you”. You have no right to judge my family’s size just like I don’t judge anyone else’s. Landon is loved and that’s all that really matters.
Also, if I hear one more comment about how come my husband isn’t getting “fixed”, I think I will blow a gasket. It’s the sarcastic way people ask that gets to me. Or, the off handed remarks like, ” I just wouldn’t have sex, or just go on the pill”. It’s disrespectful to me. This decision was hard for me and frankly I am proud I am making it. It’s my body that doesn’t work properly and it’s my right to do this without judgement.
I hope I will still be as proud of this decision in 9 days when I am rolling into the operating room. I have a feeling I will be wanting to run like hell out of there. And with that, I must go. Going for a run……seriously!
Oh Joy, I commend you for your bravery, both for having the surgery and for sharing this. There are a lot of people in this world who should never open their mouths- anyone who says to you you are selfish is dead wrong. This is your life and your family. I cannot put into words what your post means to me- I do not have pku but we are also in the midst of making tough family choices. I stand with you as a fellow mom and as a friend.
Thanks so much!
I love that you put this out there Joy. It is so personal and people always say to me “only one”, “you know she needs a sibling”. No one knows my medical history so I always stop people dead in their tracks when I get pestered, “well I tried for a few times for a sibling for her but they all died.” Usually that shuts them up. So glad you shared your story! It’s your body, your family. 🙂
Thanks Nora…it’s been a long time coming for this decision….the time is right…I am at my healthiest and it needs to be done! I appreciate all the kind words….seriously I do! Thanks again!
Joy you’re going to do fine! You always come through, especially when it’s for the family. I love you and will be there for you every step of the way.
Oh Sweetie my heart bleeds that you had to make such a difficult decision but you’ve made it and that’s it. People have no right to question you in. any way . I applaud you this could not have been easy but it’s right for you. You are right when you say you are blessed. Landon is a wonderful child and you are an amazing mother. God say how hard you worked to have Landon. You Brought on this Blessing with love and sacrifice ! I wish you love and happiness for you and your family you deserve it!
Thanks Cheryl….it’s hard but I know it’s the best!