Mothers Day is tomorrow…..I loathe Mothers Day. Mothers should be celebrated everyday 24/7. There are more reasons for my feelings but most are too in depth to mention now. But let’s just say “IF” I liked this Hallmark created Holiday, how would my day look like?

Top 10 things to make my Mothers Day Awesome!

10. I don’t want to lift a finger to do anything. Nothing. This includes all things related to myself as well. If I want to brush my teeth or wash my face then I will. If I don’t, deal with it.

9. Weight Watchers Points Plus Values don’t exist on this day. No such thing. What? I am a Lifetime member and should take this more seriously? Screw you. lose 80 pounds and then talk shit to me!

8. My checkbook is full of possibilities. If I feel like going to lunch, I have money for that. If I feel like a new outfit, I have money for that. If I feel like buying a pink flamingo lawn ornament, I have money for that! Get the pattern? I have money for “THAT”!

7. I will be referred to as “Queen Joy” for the entire day. All who enter my humble ( nice way to say tiny) abode, must refer to me as such.

6. The weather would be gorgeous for a New England May Day! 70 degrees max, sunny with a calm breeze. The air would smell like lilacs and honey. Oh Spring!

5. I would wake up feeling the best I’ve felt all year! I would have no worries. Wouldn’t that be something?

4. Chocolate covered confections and designer purses would be just “some” of the gifts I would receive.

3. I would be served breakfast in bed. Homemade crepes, bacon, fresh squeezed orange juice ( with a little bubbly of course) all accompanied by flowers and cards.

2. My insanely lovable yet crazy animals would be on their best behavior. Prize winning behavior. No trash eating, spilling their food and water, jumping over the fences to escape and especially NO Barking at EVERYTHING!

1. And because my awesomeness is well, just so awesome, there would be World Peace! I know my awesomeness is overwhelming, I try to take it down a notch but I’m just too damn awesome!

Happy Mother’s Day to me & you………
In all seriousness, I will enjoy what my day holds no matter what because I will be with my two favorite men- love you Jesse & Landon